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Most recent 13 results returned for keyword: Ken Clarke (Search this on MAP)

Ron Gattway : A sample from a nice publication Friday 2nd September Oh permit me to take time out and put y'all in... A sample from a nice publication Friday 2nd September Oh permit me to take time out and put y'all in the picture about my less than satisfying flirtation with the British book trade. Brace yourselves: I originally had an agreement with the major wholesalers Gardners that I would supply books to them at a forty per cent discount. The problem is that if one were to consider a publication costing £9.99, then they would take a four pounds cut from the book sale, leaving me with six pounds. However, it costs me in the region of about four pounds to have each of my books constructed by the printers, CPI Antony Rowe. They then charge me in the region of about two pounds for delivery of one copy or maybe three pounds for the supply of two copies. If you are mathematically inclined, you will already have discerned that I had no profit left after the wholesale discount and after the printing and delivery costs had been deducted. Having come to the eventual realisation that my book publishing plans were not paying dividends, I chose to revise the terms of my arrangement with Gardners. I altered the discount terms so that they now only receive 25% of the book sale. This leaves me belatedly with scope for profit. The trouble is that whereas before I was shifting a reasonable amount of books (but not really receiving any real revenue from this enterprise) I now sell far fewer books, but at least I am now deriving profit from my pitiful volume of sales. It's really a case of I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't, but as a consequence of the revised 25% discount, the number of shops that feel favourably disposed to order copies of my books has all but dried up. Let me explain why. First of all, a lack of recent sales is not a reflection on the quality or otherwise of my product. I am a reasonably good writer and I believe in myself. However, out of the £2.50 per book sale that Gardners obtains, they will have to distribute some of those proceeds to the actual books retailer. I am not privy to the precise terms between the wholesaler and the retailer, but suffice to say that the latter may be looking at somewhere in the region of ten per cent or fifteen per cent of my book sales which frankly is about as much as I may be receiving. However, can you imagine how many bookshops will want to stock my books, knowing that they could conceivably sit on the shelves for several weeks and even months before they are shifted. At the end of all that they receive about £1 or £1.50 per book sale and they have to then pay staff plus all manner of shop expenses out of such sales. In a nutshell, the book trade is a complete farce. Born on this date: Bill Shankly (1913); Joey Barton (1982) Died on this date: Jackie Blanchflower (1998); Christiaan Barnard (2001) Saturday 3rd September Yesterday evening in the soccer World Cup qualifiers, England defeated mediocre Bulgaria three goals to nil, while mediocre Northern Ireland lost one-nil to slightly less mediocre Serbia. Today mediocre Scotland managed a draw against slightly less mediocre Czech Republic. Oh the qualifiers are an unqualified bore. There are so many also-rans on the European stage who are complete make-weights in the qualifying groups. Basically, I would urge that the qualifying groups be trimmed in number, as Europe's soccer nations are split into two tiers. The top tier could feature sixteen or so top-ranked nations who take part in a qualifying process, while the second tier becomes a league table in which the top two teams are then promoted to the next qualifying stages of the next major tournament, while the worst two teams from the top tier drop down to tier two. It'll end in tears. Also in soccer today, a young gentleman named Johnny Black emulated David Beckham by scoring a goal from his own half of the field. His quite superb free-kick helped the mighty Coleraine to beat Portadown four-three. Today is the start of a two-day international air show on the north coast of Ulster. The sights and sounds of the assorted aeroplanes is indeed quite impressive. Mind you, I did quip to a couple of friends that Libya is treated to an air show each and every day. [Well, it did amuse me.] Tonight I accompanied my dear friend Nigel Pea-Eye to visit my dear friends Gundula und Nick. Nigel and I entered chez Real Tonne just after six pm and didn't depart until just short of eleven pm, so I am guessing that Mr Pea-Eye found his visit to have been quite worthwhile. Further to yesterday's item about my attempts to engage all the pathetic, spineless bookshops, I received the following lovely reply from a retailer called Borzoi Bookshop. Over to you, Borzoi: We would certainly not wish to stock this book as the second and third chapter headings? in your list are gratuitously offensive and disgusting. [Oh dear, somebody has received a bypass in humour]. The book in question is Alone And Asleep by Oh Sam Bin Laden. The bits that caused outrage on planet Borzoi were the following: “It is a commentary on...The royal weeding of abdiKate and Willie Windsor...and Lizzie Windsor's visit to Dublin.” Born on this date: Alan Ladd (1913); Al Jardine (1942) Died on this date: E.E. Cummings (1962); Billy Wright (1994) Okay it is time for me to go and disgust and offend some more nice unsuspecting people out there. Sunday 4th September On a politricks show on Radio Five Dead tonight, megamouth Kelvin Mackenzie described the recent looters and assorted criminal delinquents as “scum.” His comments may not be too far from the bullseye, but Kelvin M isn't reticent at trying to attract attention, having been editor of 'The Scum' newspaper. In fact, many rioters and villains through the years will have bought his 'newspapers'. One thing that Mr Mackenzie failed to point out was that the naughty staff at News International will be people that Kelvin is very familiar with. I would suggest that these smart alecs are also “scum”. Even well-educated people who work in an office and go to work wearing a nice shirt and tie are “scum”, if they happen to be operating outside of the law. Eh Kelvin? The delightful Dominique Strauss-Kahn, that paragon of virtue, has returned to France. Lock up your daughters and your hotel chambermaids, DSK is back on the prowl. Can you imagine what the terms of the next Franco-Italian entente cordiale would be if they involved Silvio Berlusconi and DSK? I think that they would lead to a massive investment in industry.....the sex industry. Today has been the best Sunday that Arse-nil have experienced since the start of the footie season. Having been humiliated on successive weekends by Liverpoo and ManUre, today was a day of rest for the hapless Gunners. Oh Sunday just isn't the same without various English and Scottish soccer teams skirmishing against each other in the afternoon. I shall have to comfort eat my way through a tube of Pringles to fill this awful void. Elsewhere in sport, Mo Farah won the five thousand metres gold for Little Britain at the World Championships. Phew what a relief that we have accepted so many Commonwealth immigrants in the past. They have been the source of so many of our best athletes. Without them, our medals tally at the major games would be distinctly tiny. Meanwhile, in the land of Uncle Sam, Andy Murray (described in a silly tabloid as the 'Dunblane dynamo') prepares for his next match in the US Open as he proceeds to step into his destiny: to fall just short of glory in another grand slam tennis tournament. Oh my goodness, Michael Philip Jagger and his new gang, SuperHeavy are shortly launching their new album on us. Oh Mick, for crying out loud, I admire your old-age athleticism, but seriously man, take yourself and your MCC tie off to Lords and leave the stage for the under-65s to play on. Born on this date: Raymond Floyd (1942); Tom Watson (1949) Died on this date: Edvard Grieg (1907); Georges Simenon (1989) Monday 5th September A couple of former world statesmen did their manipulative best to avoid facing the legal music today. In Egypt, the former Pharaoh, Hosni Mubarak was again farcically brought into the courtroom on a stretcher. Meanwhile in France, the former El Presidente, Jacques Chirac couldn't quite summon the good health, or maybe courage, or perhaps integrity to appear in court to answer charges of embezzlement. Once more, certain old rogues are playing the frail old man card. Well, me old codgers, if you're old enough to do the crime, then you are old enough to do the time. Today, the good, the bad, and the ugly of Westminster re-convened after their well-earned holidays in the sun. Davey Cameron just about refrained from a smug 'I told you so', but nevertheless he reminded one and all that the decision to collaborate with the revolutionaries of Libya had thus far been vindicated. Even Ed Miliband found it nigh impossible to do anything else but offer a begrudging congratulations. The problem for the opposition is indeed finding something that they can really launch against David Cameron. The Prime Minister is proving difficult to get the better of. He cannot even be conveniently pigeon-holed as a right-winger, as he has made enough pronouncements which tend to bypass the stereotyping in the left-right spectrum. Left one minute and then right the next, the Premier has got the Labour Conservatives feeling rather dizzy and dazed. The government is creating an enquiry into allegations of collusion by British forces in the alleged torture of Islamic terror suspects by Libya. It is basically a case of the UK (or the YUK) arranging for another state to do their dirty work and vigorously question suspected Al Qaeda 'operatives'. The enquiry relies on the secret services co-operating and providing evidence. Secret services however are not noted for being forthcoming about the tricks of the trade because it kind of undermines their secret role! I guess that ultimately when you strip away the glamour and the gloss of the royal family, Britain is just as filthy and shoddy as the next holier-than-thou self-righteous democracy. Self-important Nicky Clegg has made a declaration that the new 'free schools' will never be fee-paying institutions. Somebody should caution Mr C that it is rather risky to use the word 'never'. Did he not state something similar regarding tuition fees? Speaking of tuition fees, Edinburgh University is charging the maximum amount for non-Scottish students which is most naughty, but clearly it wishes to educate Scottish students. Born on this date: George Lazenby (1939); Raquel Welch (1940) Died on this date: Jochen Rindt (1970); Mother Teresa (1997) Tuesday 6th September The former Labour parliamentarian Margaret Moran (the ex-MP for Luton South) is facing 21 charges of false accounting of her expenses. She has allegedly claimed money for dry rot, amongst other things. There was a time when such news would have outraged the great British public, but poor old John Bull has been on the receiving end of greedy, irresponsible bankers; immoral high-profile celebrities; unscrupulous newspaper hacks; and wayward youth in the inner cities, that one is in danger of becoming de-sensitised to the awful abuses of the political class. Well, I for one will firmly be placing this Moran moron in the “scum” category that Kelvin Mackenzie so lovingly used for the so-called criminal underclass of urban Britain. Good old Ken Clarke managed to stay awake long enough to describe the recreational rioters as a “feral underclass”. Well, might I suggest that bankers and politicians that feed off the country's public funds like leeches are equally a “feral underclass.” Unfortunately in little Britain, there is a daft perception that if someone is well-educated or articulate or well-dressed, then he or she is a cut above the rest of the great unwashed. Well, I am sorry but anyone who lives in a big detached house in suburbia, drives a grand car and goes to work armed with a briefcase and pinstripe suit but who then proceeds to stitch the rest of us up with underhand trading is my idea of a member of the feral underclass. On the subject of the underclass, that exalted guttersnipe Colonel Gaddafi is rumoured to be heading for the safe havens of Burkina Faso or Niger, if indeed he isn't already ensconced therein. It is truly remarkable how this heroic military man left his citizens and supporters and forces to fight and give away their lives, so that he can maintain his luxurious existence. This tends to be a recurring trend for all dictators and heads of state. Everyone sacrifices their lives to sustain them in power and riches. Even in that model of democracies alternatively known as the United Kingdom, the gullible populace were required to go off to foreign fields and lay down their lives for King and country. What was the King doing meanwhile amidst the carnage? Oh I guess that he was quaffing a few exclusive brandies and puffing a few cigars and toasting the brainless idiots who threw their lives away to ensure that the head of state remained on his throne whilst laughing all the way to the bank. Scum? Feral underclass? I think that there are people who live in palaces who could also fit these words rather well. Born on this date: Greg Rusedski (1973); Tim Henman (1974) Died on this date: Nicky Hopkins (1994); Luciano Pavarotti (2007) Wednesday 7th September While Davey and Eddie returned to the mock battle of trading blows across the House of Commons at one another, another tiff was emerging in the coalition government. It relates to what the Conservatives call the 'temporary' fifty pence in the pound tax for those hard-pressed impoverished souls who are expected to scrape by on a meagre salary in excess of £150,000 per year. Once more, we are all being treated to the hot air about how lots of gifted entrepreneurs (especially gifted at lining their own pockets) may take umbrage at this country's punitive tax system and embark for foreign fields. Fortunately, common sense is still breathing amongst the Liberal Conservatives, whose president insisted that the fifty per cent tax rate must remain and that any future tax decreases ought to be allocated firstly to low earners (or non-earners). Tax breaks for the rich in the interests of wealth creation for their employees sounds fine and dandy, but one cannot help but suspect that wealth creation almost exclusively results in extra wealth for the wealth creators, and that this extra fortune doesn't filter down to the rest of us poor beleaguered suckers. One gent on the radio correctly stated that many entrepreneurs are more committed to wealth preservation than wealth creation. Keep the fifty per cent tax rate intact and tell the greedy irresponsible bastards in business to take a reality check. On the subject of rip-off businesses, I sent a book to Foyles bookshop of London which they ordered at an almost extortionate discount of 45 per cent. They now claim to have never received the copy of A Pop Revolution by the invisible man (moi!). They now expect me to send them a second copy. It might help if they actually supplied an accurate address for Postman Pat in the first place. Foyles have foiled my hopes for profit. Worst of all are Swinton motor insurance who are making a determined attempt to ruin my happiness (what remains of it). They apparently 'autorenewed' my car insurance, even though I did not wish for further car insurance. The vehicle in question has long since ceased to exist, and still these bloody-minded sons of bitches are seeking their pound of flesh and threatening to take me to court for outstanding monies for a vehicle that no longer exists. Is it any wonder that I loathe big business? Back at the ranch, there is a horrible rumour circulating that this is my forty-second birthday. Well, I actually cancelled all further birthdays when I was 25 (a few years ago). Born on this date: Laura Ashley (1925); Chrissie Hynde (1951) Died on this date: A.J.P. Taylor (1990); Warren Zevon (2003) Thursday 8th September A damning 1,400-page report on an incident of brutality by the British military in Iraq eight years ago has been made public. It appears that the death of an Iraqi detainee, Maha Bousa, was a direct consequence of torture from the occupying forces, supposedly liberating the natives from er brutality. It is a real tragedy for not only the deceased and his family, but also for the army of the UK. The large majority of British soldiers are true professionals who know the boundary between engaging in combat on the one hand, and using excessive and disproportionate force on the enemy or enemy suspects. It is therefore most regrettable that a few sadists are in danger of tarring the military with the same disreputable brush. This is precisely the kind of story that the loonies on the far left and the ranks of Brit-haters just like to place under a magnifying glass and focus on in a pathetic attempt to justify their prejudice against all things British. Ultimately all things are relative, and for all the incidents of brutality by the British forces, there are innumerable offences and atrocities perpetrated by soldiers of other nations which sometimes don't make it on to the news headlines. If nothing else, the unsavoury reports of British heavy-handedness on occupied peoples at least strips away any smug notion that Britain corners the world's market in fair treatment of civilians. Then again, this dastardly episode ought not to be exploited by Irish republicans or the apologists of Islamic extremism to lecture us on fair play. Neither of these two groups would be found too high up the human rights league table. At the village of Westminster, the home secretary Theresa May was not exactly endorsing Kenneth Clarke's diagnosis of a few days ago on the cause of the looting free-for-all. The justice secretary had opined that the rioting had demonstrated the failure of the penal system to deter repeat offending amongst the feral underclass. However his colleague today denied that there was any strong link between gangs from the underclass and the opportunist looters, some of whom were 'upwardly mobile' types. Across La Manche, the fashion guru John Galliano was in court, arising out of his public, drunken outburst about the holocaust. Perhaps we should have shoved this anti-Semitic fool into a cattle wagon and drove him hundreds of miles across Europe as a slight reminder of the horrors of the early 1940s. Still, his lawyer was treating us all to a chorus of 'For he's a jolly good fellow.' It's amazing what you can do if you hire a fancy lawyer or Max Clifford. You can be transformed from a frog into a prince. Born on this date: Harry Secombe (1921); Peter Sellers (1925) Died on this date: Richard Strauss (1949); Leni Riefenstahl (2003) 2 days ago - Via Mobile - View - Ron Gattway : Sample from a nice publication: Friday 19th August David Cameron took time out from his heavy workload... Sample from a nice publication: Friday 19th August David Cameron took time out from his heavy workload to pay a visit to the Oval to lose himself in the escapism of test cricket. Poor India would presumably like to escape from test cricket at the present. Their bowling attack would struggle to be selected for an English minor counties' eleven. Suffice to say that the meek resistance of an India team has been unseen on these shores for many decades. Anyhow, piling on the runs and piling on the agony are the batsmen Ian Bell and Kevin Pietersen, both of whom have contributed to a record-breaking stand well in excess of 300 runs. The Prime Minister also dropped in on the Test Match Special crew and confessed that his favourite sport is tennis. He did concede that the recent riots had demonstrated both the good and bad in Britain, as communities did rally together after the mess left by their youngsters. Mr Cameron also remarked that he had mentioned England's domination of world cricket to Barack Obama. However, an unimpressed Obama retorted that England had invented cricket and claiming superiority at this sport was tantamount to the USA proclaiming itself to be the best in the world at baseball. Yesterday evening witnessed the return of Celebrity Big Brother, courtesy of Channel Five. I do confess to a past interest in observing C-list has-beens living in a goldfish bowl. This time I am blissfully unaware of who the lovely occupants are on account of no longer possessing a TV set. This is not so much a confirmation of my poverty, nor even the result of a deep religious conviction, but has been necessitated by my desire to avoid falling into the awful habit of planning my existence around the schedule in the Radio Times. Furthermore, I have a strong dislike of the license fee, especially when the BBC are so cavalier with public funds. I have no interest in contributing to the huge salaries of BBC executives or various megastar egos. In addition, I object to the BBC's practice of paying the travel expenses of their guests who appear at their studios. Surely, the politicians and showbiz types can dip into their pockets and purses and pay their own taxi fares. Anyhow, I gladly boycott television. Born on this date: Bill Clinton (1946); John Deacon (1951) Died on this date: Jacob Epstein (1959); Mo Mowlam (2005) Finally, I attended a music evening where my friend Tim did a murderous version of James Taylor's You've Got A Friend. If he is not careful, he will be selected to represent the UK at the next Eurovision Song Contest. The assembled ears were also treated to an acoustic version of Baby One More Time by Britney Spears. Incidentally, do you realise that Britney Spears is an anagram of Presbyterians? Bizarre or what? Saturday 20th August I observed the Jewish Sabbath today by doing virtually nothing, and I shall observe the Christian Sabbath tomorrow in an equally dynamic way. (I don't suppose the Buddhists have a Sabbath on Monday?) Actually the Sabbath is not merely a day of rest, but a day of worship. Regrettably, my activities (such as they were) tended more towards the former. My biggest bout of energy was a flying visit to a nearby Tescos whose self-service machine took exception to my ten pounds note. Actually, I couldn't get home quick enough. I am becoming very self-conscious about my clothes and especially footwear, believing that everybody is judging me (and each other) based on how we dress. Well, as a sad singleton forty-something, I am scarcely the ideal candidate for the dandy of the manor. On the subject of fashion (or the lack of it), I observed something last night which got me kind of thinking. A certain young woman was wearing a beautiful dress while her husband was wearing an awful cheque shirt (oh and don't get me started on bland cheque shirts). Could it be that self-proclaimed fashion-conscious women actually want to dress their man in a dreary lumberjack shirt in a cunning attempt to ensure that their outfit isn't upstaged by their male partner? Ah yes, the lights are now coming on! Meanwhile in the real world (wherever that may be), Bell reached his maiden test double hundred against an Indian team very much auditioning for the proverbial rabbit caught in headlights in the cricket 'test match'. There were more rugger matches this afternoon as the celtic nations rehearsed their lines ahead of the imminent World Cup. Scotland and Wales both won again, but mon dieu, Ireland completed a hat-trick of defeats, as they succumbed for the umpteenth time to those pesky French. Ooh la la. On planet soccer, the mighty Peterborough United stormed to a seven-one annihilation of Ipswich Town. In the Premiership, Everton (or evercrap?) were humbled at home by newly-promoted Queen's Park Rangers. To make matters worse for the Toffees, their nice neighbours, Liverpoo grabbed two late goals to sink little old Arse-nil who had been reduced to ten men. If the Gunners continue to under-perform, Manchester Wannabees will have to look elsewhere in future for transfer targets. Born on this date: Jim Reeves (1923); Isaac Hayes (1942) Died on this date: William Booth (1912); Pope Pius X (1914) Well, as another day departs, closely followed by another summer, my abiding concern is that I desperately need some tangible success to take with me into middle age. Time is fast running out, but something good better happen and fast, so that I have something to show for my 40 years. Sunday 21st August At the fourth test match, Mr Rahul Dravid compiles an unbeaten 146 in a solo attempt to stem the English tide. Unfortunately for him, India are still bowled out for 300 and asked to follow on. Although Tendulkar is not out overnight, England seem poised to complete a series whitewash. North of the border, wee Glasgow Wannabees are humbled in their own backyard by little Saint Johnstone while Motherwell's stint on the top perch of the Sectarian Premier League is ended by a resounding three-nil triumph for Glasgow Strangers. Also in sport, Andy Murray has defeated Novak Djokovic to win the Cincinnati Masters tennis tournament. Poor Andy is an expert at winning mickey mouse competitions but unable to land the major prizes, rather reminiscent of his fellow-countryman Colin Montgomerie. Meanwhile back at the ranch, I gave 'church' a miss for the second week running. Actually, the Christian community is the church and the Sunday morning worship session is described as a 'gathering'. Well, I failed to gather myself, because our meeting is akin to a celebration, and although there is nothing remotely wrong with wanting to pay homage to our Father, sometimes one is not in celebratory mode, and I wisely decided to absent myself in order not to be the party-pooper at the weekly party. Having said that, I struggled to get off to sleep for a couple of hours last night and in the midst of my semi-consciousness, I have conceived the idea of devising a couple of reference books on elections in Britain, one about Britain's European elections 1979-2009 and another detailing the 'celtic fringe' (i.e. Westminster elections in Scotland and Wales from 1970-2010). Watch this space, or perhaps more aptly, watch this waste of space. In Libya, the end is nigh for the crazy colonel. The rebel troops are enveloping Tripoli. Will Gaddafi go quietly or will he provoke much bloodshed as he attempts to defy what he calls 'traitors'? Resistance by the pro-Gaddafi forces against the uprising is now rather toothless. There has been an upsurge in violence in the Middle East, as the Israelis practise an 'eye for an eye' against Palestinians in Gaza after suffering eight deaths a few days ago. Further north, President Assad is doing his very best King Canute impersonation as he orders the waves of resistance against his régime to obey him and back away. Does this fool of a tyrant actually watch the news broadcasts? Has he noticed what has happened to Gaddafi, Hosni Mubarak, Saddam Hussein, Hitler, or Mussolini? Wake up Assad. Born on this date: Usain Bolt (1986); Judd Trump (1989) Died on this date: Leon Trotsky (1940); Robert Moog (2005) Monday 22nd August Although Colonel Gaddafi is on the brink in Libya, the battle for Tripoli is in danger of resembling Stalingrad, as the insurgents and the remnants of the régime's forces exchange gunfire street by street. Cameron and Sarkozy have welcomed the imminent collapse of the dictatorship but have cautioned the national transitional council against acts of retribution towards the defenders of the régime. Toppling Gaddafi is one thing, but achieving stability in a new Libya is rather crucial. Further east, Israel and Hamas have agreed to a truce after their latest bout of hostilities. Tragically, it's only a matter of time before the current outbreak of peace is shattered by more terrorism and more reprisals. Back in London, the England cricket team completed their whitewash of hapless India by securing a test triumph by an innings and eight runs. The tourists lost their last seven wickets for a puny 21 runs to end a series that they will wish to erase from their memories. Elsewhere in sport, the father of John Obi Mikel has been found after he had been seized in Nigeria. I think many Chelsea football supporters might have preferred it if his big lethargic son had been kidnapped instead. Tonight Tottensham Coldspur finally got their Premiership campaign off the runway, but they were soon making a crash landing at Old Trafford as the home team helped themselves to maximum points with a 3-0 victory. This was also the day when the home unions revealed their rugby World Cup squads, which resulted in relief for some and devastation for others. On a personal note, a well-intentioned Christian couple gave me a book to read. The irony is that although I like to write (books), I no longer have an appetite to read books. I much prefer to dip into Wikipedia and other organs of non-fiction. However, people in Christian circles are forever keen to immerse themselves in a variety of 'encouraging' and 'inspirational' publications. The thing is that I have absorbed a huge amount of sermons and also preaching from the likes of The Word For Today. I need people; not books. When Jesus Christ came to earth, he didn't fob people off with pamphlets or tracts. He spent time with people and touched their lives in a huge way. The modern Christian community needs to take its example from the Saviour that they are supposed to be following. Regrettably, too many modern-day Christians don't have enough time on their hands for others. Well, I think that I can speak for a lot of people when I state that most people need life-changing encounters. Books are rarely the answer. Born on this date: Steve Davis (1957); Debbi Peterson (1961) Died on this date: Michael Collins (1922); Jomo Kenyatta (1978) Tuesday 23rd August I paid my weekly visit to Asda whereupon I discovered that they had rearranged the items in the store, leaving this young man rather disorientated. The supermarket employs a young lady to wander around the store avec an 'Ask Me' tee-shirt. I promptly asked her the square root of 13,781, but she couldn't oblige, and then I asked her to marry me and she couldn't answer that one either. Oh you just can't get the staff anymore. Out in troubled Tripoli, it's now pantomime season. Each side is stating that 'we're winning' while the other responds 'oh no you're not, we're winning'. It reminds me of that occasion in Baghdad when a silly defender claimed that the invasion had been repelled, whilst the Americans more accurately stated that they were only a couple of streets away and would be round soon to correct the deluded gentleman. There again it's true what old David Dunseith used to say that truth is the first casualty in war. It is now emerging that the rebel forces have penetrated the compound of Gaddafi. After the recent demise of Osama Bin Laden, this is not proving a good year for rogues who take refuge in a compound. I wonder if President Assad of Syria is cowering within the confines of a compound. Overnight and over the Atlantic, the world of popular music lost two of its elder statesmen, Jerry Leiber and Nickolas Ashford. These songwriters composed many tunes that will live long after them. For the latter, I pick out Ain't No Mountain High Enough by Diana Ross and for the former, I am especially keen on Donald Fagen's 1982 cover of Ruby Baby. Also in the land of Uncle Sam, the case against the former head of the IMF Dominique Strauss-Kahn has been dismissed. However, DSK has been ordered to stay in the USA for a further thirty days, which perhaps is punishment enough for being unfaithful to his wife and cavorting with a chambermaid, consensual or otherwise. Oh I wish that my numbers would be successful in the National Robbery draw, so that I can buy justice too. Although anarchy in the UK proved to be a one-week wonder, more than fourteen hundred opportunist looters have been brought before the courts. The Conservative Ken Clarke has stated his desire to see prison numbers reduced, as a growing prison population automatically leads to an increased tax bill. However I would advocate the building of 'detention centres' where the drunk and disorderly youths would be held in overnight on Friday and Saturday nights and then released next morning when they have sobered up enough to pay a ten pounds spot fine. Born on this date: Keith Moon (1946); River Phoenix (1970) Died on this date: Rudolph Valentino (1926); Oscar Hammerstein (1960) Wednesday 24th August Although the Gaddafi régime is all but over, the whereabouts of the main man remain a mystery. The British Foreign Secretary, William Hague has correctly stated that Gaddafi and his cronies need to stop issuing delusional statements about the situation and accept their fate. What is even more perplexing is that the man who has been mouthing off defiance and warning that he would fight to the last drop of blood appears to have run away into hiding. It is scarcely the behaviour befitting a colonel. In any other army, a colonel who shelters from the fighting whilst his men are called upon to lay down their lives for him would almost certainly be indicted for cowardice. Clearly Gaddafi is all mouth and no trousers. Furthermore, although there is a reward for the capture of Colonel G, the insurgents have also promised a safe passage out of Libya, presumably on a one-way ticket for the daft dictator. It appears that the old tyrant has already taken them up on this offer judging by his absence in Tripoli. Now that the contest for power in Libya is drawing to a conclusion, the battle to ensure a stable reconstruction of the country will begin, and it remains to be seen whether the current jubilation is perhaps premature. In lovely London, both Leyton Orient and Tottensham have been granted a judicial review to contest the decision to award the tenancy of the Olympic Stadium to Wet Sham. Oh judicial reviews are a tiresome means of preventing anything happening anywhere. The country is in a state of inertia because every decision, it seems, is now subject to a judicial review. Another London team, Arse-nil managed to qualify for the Champions League group stages as they overcame a 1-0 half-time deficit at Udinese. Oh whilst I still have a few sentences left for today, let me chuck the following at you. I find something beautiful and peaceful about the dead of night. Silence is truly golden. It is a real shame that we live in a world of Philistines who just crave noise and who cannot cope with silence. They are usually the same chavs who get restless if someone hasn't been killed within the first two minutes of a movie. In fact, I would urge all you nice people out there to check out the ten-minute short film entitled Noise by Rob Bell which you can pilfer off You(are a)Tube. Born on this date: Yasser Arafat (1929); Mason Williams (1938) Died on this date: Simone Weil (1943); Yootha Joyce (1980) I sold a soccer book today [The Home Internationals 1946-1984, A Complete Record] but it only represents pocket money pour moi. My Mum dismissed my writing and publishing as only a hobby. She was right. For someone with no formal qualifications, my Mum is often annoyingly right. Thursday 25th August This is the day when thousands of sixteen-year-olds learn of their fate at GCSE public examinations. It's kind of peculiar how some students have a knack of excelling at exams without having prepared thoroughly for them, while others fail to live up to expectations in spite of the apparent effort that they have made. This revelation is part of the education of life that injustice seemingly prevails, as some individuals appear to be successful without having to break into a sweat in contrast to others who try hard and work hard and don't seem to get their just rewards. If there is something that sixteen-year-olds need to learn and fast, it's that life is not fair. In Libya, daft Gaddafi is still playing hide and seek with his enemies and issuing another tiresome radio broadcast of logic-defying defiance. Meanwhile stories are beginning to seep out of atrocities committed by the pro-Gaddafi forces. This is not to suggest that the insurgents have conducted themselves with total decorum. However, history is written by the winners, and it's the winners' stories of atrocities that will gloss over their own desperate acts to achieve power. Mind you, Libya will be in need of a drastic facelift when the hostilities eventually subside, so the prize of ousting the crazy colonel will initially be similar to winning a derelict building in a prize draw. In my own universe, I was advised by a fine lady several years ago that I need to 'play the game'. She was commenting on my position as a retail manager and that such a role demands that I comply with all manner of company requirements. The trouble for me is that I have rarely been any good at 'playing the game'. I find myself reluctantly applying for a plethora of jobs over the last couple of days. I am supposed to include a covering letter stating why I am God's gift to humanity, and well you can discern from the last remark, that I find the bullshit of 'selling yourself' as the biggest load of baloney. I am only too familiar with gobby twenty-somethings who blag their way through an interview, say everything that the interrogators want to hear, and lo and behold a few weeks after they have been successfully appointed, they are already taking Monday off, on account of their lingering weekend hangover. Recruitment and selection dismays me. Integrity and honesty counts for very little. It's all an exercise in cheating and dishonesty. Mavericks with talent like me (yes me) are just square pegs. I keep being told repeatedly that I am wasted or that I am wasting my life. Sorry, but I detest 'the game.' I don't want to play it. Born on this date: Sean Connery (1930); Elvis Costello (1954) Died on this date: Friedrich Nietzsche (1900); Jack Nitzsche (2000) 4 days ago - Via Mobile - View - Zubair Islam : 'You Say What You Like, Because They Like What You Say' In Alerts 2013 Post 13 May 2013 Last Updated... 'You Say What You Like, Because They Like What You Say' In Alerts 2013 Post 13 May 2013 Last Updated on 13 May 2013 By Editor Hits: 11611 By David Cromwell The local elections in England earlier this month saw the right-wing UK Independence Party win over 140 council seats, gaining around 25 per cent of the vote where it stood. This led to a deluge of media headlines and stories echoing UKIP leader Nigel Farage's gleeful claim of a 'game changer' in domestic politics. The Conservatives ended up with egg on their face after veteran Tory Ken Clarke had labelled UKIP 'a collection of clowns'. BBC political editor Nick Robinson declared of the UKIP 'surge': 'It is the day UKIP emerged as a real political force in the land.' But a BBC estimate of the turnout was a mere 31 per cent – down a whopping 10 points from the last local elections in 2009. The true electoral 'victor' was voter apathy or, more likely, disdain towards the available political options. Perhaps for most of the public - such as the 69 per cent who didn't cast a vote - all too many of the politicians on offer were clowns. After all, who could tell the difference between most of them, or the policies they espouse? There are fine exceptions, but the corporate media routinely ignores, ridicules or vilifies them. So much for 'our' thriving British 'democracy'. Comedian Frankie Boyle had already put it all in perspective: 'I've never been surprised by low voter turnouts. In fact, I'm surprised anybody ever votes at all. Politicians seem so alien to us, their insincerity taken as a given, behaving inhumanely while they pretend to be human in some symbolic way. If, instead of a nation, we were 500 people living as a tribe, or a bunch of survivors in a lifeboat, would anyone elect Miliband or Cameron as a leader, with their choppy hand gestures, lack of conviction and bizarrely automated range of emotions? In a normal social gathering, most of our leaders would seem to suffer from a hysterical personality disorder.' (Frankie Boyle, 'Work! Consume! Die!', HarperCollins, 2011, p. 319) There is much more to the degradation of politics, as Boyle recognises, than odd self-regarding personalities and PR-trained, party-approved automatons. But the point is nonetheless very well made.   The Royal Green Trailblazer Arrives On A Train - A Journalist Swoons The galling lack of genuine political choice is reflected in the sorry state of today's corporate journalism. In a recent astute piece, John Hilley draws a sharp distinction between real journalism, as practiced by the rare examples of John Pilger and Glenn Greenwald, and elite public-relations puff presented to the nation by the likes of the BBC's Nicholas Witchell. Here, for example, is Witchell on the visit of 'three young royals' – William & Kate, and Harry - to the Harry Potter film-set at Warner Brothers studios, 'doing things with that unaffected style that has become their hallmark.' 'These three', said Witchell, 'are becoming the principal supporting stars in the enduring family epic that is The Windsors.' As the three 'stars' waved their Harry Potter wands for the benefit of the cameras, Witchell concluded oleaginously: 'The British monarchy has shown what a powerful spell it's capable of casting. And in these three, few can doubt that that spell remains in powerful hands.' If someone wanted to write a satirical news script to accompany a royal visit, would it look much different from that? Hilley goes on to recall a 2010 sighting of Witchell in the flesh. The royal correspondent was standing at Glasgow Central Station as he delivered a report on Prince Charles 'as we've never quite seem him before'. How so? The man who would be king had just arrived on a private royal train, 'run on bio-diesel', on a week-long 'green' rail tour. The royal aim, we were told, was 'getting people to reduce waste and conserve energy.' Clearly, a super-wealthy and privileged individual far removed from normal life, and sitting atop the country's highly stratified class structure, is the perfect person to show the way towards sustainability. Hilley comments on the unreality of the 'news event': 'It was strange to see them both in the flesh, Mr Windsor, owner of Cornwall and much else, looking all eco-earnest as he was guided around by bowing lackeys, Witchell all sycophantically enthused as, on cue, he trotted-out cringing lines about "green-caring" royalty. [...] The whole scene was a perfect encapsulation of establishment posturing, royal branding and issue-cloaked reporting.' He concludes: 'Watching Witchell's grovelling piece later, there was, predictably, no content or commentary on the real problem of corporate-driven climate catastrophe, or any suggestion of this being a "green-washed" event. The idea of having such balancing opinions from the BBC on this or the legitimising function of such royal PR was, apparently, unthinkable.' But the degradation of journalism is, of course, not limited to vacuous propaganda that shores up the façade of benign royal interest in, and influence over, the great unwashed. In a recent edition of BBC's Newswatch, designed to give the illusion of BBC News really being held to account by the public, one viewer put it succinctly: 'I find it sad that there is a pecking order of the dead for the BBC.' This was in the context of the the disproportionate coverage given to the bombings at the Boston marathon last month, with three people killed, and the subsequent manhunt. As another viewer pointed out: 'How many hundreds have died in bombings in Iraq just this month?' Another commented: 'What about the earthquakes in Iraq and China? And bombings in Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan...?' Referring to the deaths of hundreds of people (with the death toll later confirmed as over 1,000) after the collapse of an eight-storey commercial building in Bangladesh, in which garments were made for Western companies such as Primark and Matalan, one viewer said: 'Whether you intend it or not, the message you are giving loud and clear is that the lives of people in Boston are more important than those of the people of Bangladesh. This is disgraceful.' Commenting on the saturation coverage from the US, another viewer asked bluntly: 'Is it because American lives matter more?' James Stephenson, deputy head of BBC News and editor of both BBC News at Six and News at Ten, attempted to justify the disproportionate news treatment given to Boston. His response – that this was 'the first bombing on American soil since 9/11' – was factually correct. But it was unconvincing as an explanation of why the huge wall-to-wall BBC coverage from the US overshadowed what was going on elsewhere in the world around the same time. Simply put, if something happens in the United States, or involves the US, it matters more to the British media than anywhere else (other than in the UK itself). At a deep systemic level, media performance from the BBC, and other major Western news media, conforms to the general rule that minimal coverage is granted to 'Unpeople': those unfortunates, typically black or brown-skinned people in the 'Third World', who are 'expendable in the pursuit of power and commercial gain'. (Mark Curtis, 'Unpeople', Vintage, 2004, p. 2). Bizarrely, Stephenson shot himself in the foot when he mistakenly referred to the Bangladesh 'bombing' (rather than building collapse), a slip that went uncorrected. Although critical viewer comments were read out, the senior BBC editor was not directly challenged by any member of the public, nor pressed particularly hard by Newswatch presenter Samira Ahmed. Instead, Stephenson was let off the hook without conceding any of the public's points put to him, or promising to change a single thing about BBC News coverage. That's par for the course. And so he continues to oversee the continuous pipeline of propaganda emanating from the BBC's flagship news bulletins.   The Endless Renewal Of 'Shadows And Threats' Another feature of corrupted journalism is the constant unchallenged repetition of messages coming out of Western state and military sources. BBC Newsnight is a serial offender. In a recent edition (May 2, 2013) devoted to UK 'defence' spending and policy, presenter Gavin Esler set the terms of debate thus: 'The Cabinet Office website is clear: "National security is the first duty of government. We will remain a first-rate military power."' Maintaining a straight face, Esler continued: 'But even as British troops begin to leave Afghanistan, there are new shadows and new threats.' 'Shadows' and 'threats' were conjured up, although there was no mention of any bogeymen, spectres or poltergeists. Esler's words recalled the brilliant quote by the American writer H. L. Mencken: 'The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.' The Orwellian apparatus of government power, bolstered by the media, must always fabricate 'new shadows and new threats' for the public to fear. Esler then went on to ask, using the inevitable but rarely identified 'we' much loved by establishment reporters: 'So, should we ring-fence defence – as with the NHS or foreign aid – or be less ambitious in our foreign commitments?' Note that an 'impartial' BBC professional must refer reflexively and blandly to 'our' foreign 'commitments' and 'ambitions'; never to illegal invasions and occupations of resource-rich countries, all to boost Western geostrategic and corporate aims. Newsnight diplomatic and defence editor Mark Urban, fitted with brain cells that spark synaptically with elite-friendly thoughts, offered his own words of conventional wisdom: 'Just as Gordon Brown tried to demolish boom-and-bust economics, so the coalition came to power with a determination to rescue defence policy from its postwar pattern of trying to do too much, with too little, with periodic cuts to try and balance the books.' Imagine summing up Britain's awful, murderous post-WW2 'defence policy' as 'trying to do too much, with too little'. Too much blood, spilled by too much machinery of death, was thereby reduced by Urban's weaponised soul to a mere logistical mismatch. Urban blight had struck the BBC news landscape once again. The underlying message from the Ministry of Truth – or BBC News, to give the institution its safe-sounding name - is, as ever: 'Just let us do your thinking for you and all will be well.'   The Synchronised Metronomes Of The Propaganda Machine It all fits with the observation made by John Pilger that corporate journalists are 'the essential foot soldiers in any network devoted to power and propaganda.' Obviously this isn't how the majority of influential journalists see themselves (or at least they would never admit to it) - all those smartly-dressed correspondents, news presenters and talking heads who appear before us with their ponderous phrasing and unnatural gestures, weighted down with apparent gravitas, authority and insight. The self-image they like to project is of smart, savvy and obstreperous professionals valiantly pursuing the truth; fierce rottweilers gnawing away at government spokespeople, politicians, establishment figures, trusted insiders and informers, public relations officials, press releases, historical facts and even gut instinct, until they get to the marrow of what matters. Nobody tells them, these serious media professionals, what they can and can't say. And don't even think of insulting them by suggesting otherwise. So much for myth. In reality, young and independently-thinking journalists are transformed into synchronised metronomes churning out propaganda and meaningless pap, driven by the heartless machine pulse of state-corporate power. In a talk almost twenty years ago, the American political writer and media critic Michael Parenti explained powerfully how journalism works in practice: 'Oddly enough, if you talk to most reporters, most of the reporters I know who are giving me stories about censorship, about top-down control and all, are ex-reporters. They're often people - I began noticing, "Well I used to work for Associated Press...", or "Well, I used to work for CBS..." – "Well I used to..." The ones who are still in there absolutely vehemently deny that there's any such thing like this. They get very indignant. They say: "Are you telling me that I'm not my own man? I'll have you know that in 17 years with this paper I always say what I like." And I say to them: "You say what you like, because they like what you say." 'And, you know, the minute you move too far - and you have no sensation of a restraint on your freedom. I mean, you don't know you're wearing a leash if you sit by the peg all day. It's only if you then begin to wander to a prohibited perimeter that you feel the tug, you see. So you're free because your ideological perspective is congruent with that of your boss. So you have no sensation of being at odds with your boss.' ('Michael Parenti - Inventing Reality', YouTube, talk on 17 October 1993) Parenti then goes on to quote Nicholas Johnson, former commissioner of the Federal Communications Commission, who said that there are four stages that journalists typically go through in their career: 'In the early stage, you're a young crusader and you write an exposé story about the powers that be, and you bring it to your editor and the editor says: "No, kill it. We can't touch that. Too hot." 'Stage two: You get an idea for the story, but you don't write it and you check with the editor first and he says: "No, won't fly. No, I think the old man won't like it. Don't do that, he has a lot of friends in there and that might get messy." 'Stage three: You get an idea for the story and you yourself dismiss it as silly. 'Stage four: You no longer get the idea for that kind of an exposé story. 'And I would add a stage five: You then appear on panels, with media critics like me, and you get very angry and indignant when we say that there are biases in the media and you're not as free and independent as you think.' Perhaps when the BBC's John Simpson finally retires, or Channel 4's Jon Snow, or ITV's Mark Austin, or any of the other big beasts in the media jungle, they'll be brave and honest enough to make similar cogent observations about journalism. In a new book, Digital Disconnect: How Capitalism Is Turning The Internet Against Democracy, media academic and activist Robert McChesney, points out that in the United States: 'so-called "real reporting [...] means: calling up Serious People in Washington and uncritically repeating what they say.' (The New Press, New York, 2013, p. 90; italics in original) Again, of course, the equivalent happens here in the UK. Just watch and listen to the main political editors and journalists on BBC and ITV any day of the week. Despite 'serious' journalists being pumped full of state, military and financial propaganda by their government, military and big business sources - and being expected by these sources to relay such messages uncritically to the public - and despite being complicit in war, violence and economic meltdown, McChesney correctly notes that: 'It seems the only time elite journalists exhibit rage is when their practices are exposed.' He cites an honourable exception in the case of journalist Michael Hastings who famously wrote an eye-opening piece for Rolling Stone after spending considerable time with General Stanley McChrystal, then the senior Nato commander in Afghanistan: ' "The unwritten rule" for journalists is a simple one, Hastings wrote. "You weren't supposed to write honestly about people in power. Especially those the media deemed untouchable."' (McChesney, ibid., p. 90) And those the media deem 'untouchable' include elite media institutions themselves. A recent article in Press Gazette notes a 'strong undercurrent of fear' amongst BBC employees. A survey of BBC employees, commissioned in the wake of the Jimmy Savile sex abuse scandal, has raised 'alarm bells about bullying and a culture of fear about speaking out.' The authors of the survey report said: 'Throughout our conversations we heard a strong undercurrent of fear; fear of speaking out, fear of reprisal, fear of losing your job, being made redundant, fear of becoming a victim, fear of getting a reputation as a troublemaker and not getting promoted if an employee, or further work if a freelancer, supplier or contractor.' Even – perhaps especially - the new BBC director general Tony Hall, is 'barred from making "any derogatory or unfavourable public remark or statement" about the BBC during his time in office or within two years of his departure.' Is it any wonder that the term 'Orwellian' appears ever more appropriate to describe this country's 'best' news organisation?   The BBC: 'Stuck In The Zionist Frame' Meanwhile, another safe pair of hands has been found to replace Helen Boaden as head of BBC News. (Readers may recall that she famously changed her email address to avoid direct challenges from the public, boasting about it at a media industry conference). James Harding, who was the youngest ever editor of the Rupert Murdoch-owned Times, will soon take charge of 3,000-plus BBC News journalists as they settle into their 'capacious new home, which includes a double-atrium newsroom and 11 floors, in the £1bn New Broadcasting House refurbishment in central London.' Harding has stated that: 'I am pro-Israel' and that in reporting on the Middle East, 'I haven't found it too hard' because 'The Times has been pro-Israel for a long time.' Indeed, the recent case of Murdoch apologising for a Gerald Scarfe cartoon in the Sunday Times which actually dared to be critical of Israel is a case in point. Amena Saleem of Palestine Solidarity Campaign notes that another new senior BBC appointee, James Purnell, who recently became 'Director of Strategy and Digital', is also avowedly pro-Israel. Purnell actually served as chair of the pro-Israeli parliamentary lobby group Labour Friends of Israel from 2002-2004. Saleem also reports that last month the BBC 'gave up all claims to impartiality when it spectacularly pulled from its schedule a documentary questioning the scale of the Jewish exodus from Jerusalem nearly 2,000 years ago – the exodus on which Zionists base the Jewish "right to return" and to colonize what was once Palestine.' The documentary, scheduled to appear as part of the current BBC Four series on archaeology, was dropped at the eleventh hour. When questioned about this late and dramatic development, a BBC email offered the limp excuse that 'we have decided that it doesn't fit editorially and are no longer planning to show it as part of the season.' But, adds Saleem, 'Ilan Ziv, the Israeli-born documentary maker who made the hour-long film, has said that the official reason given by the BBC for pulling the documentary contradicts the reasons given to him in private.' Ziv gives his side of the BBC's sudden dropping of the film, and the broadcaster's lack of candour in explaining its decision, summing up: 'This is ultimately a sad saga of what I believe is a mixture of incompetence, political naiveté [and] conscious or subconscious political pressure'. Tim Llewellyn, the BBC's former Middle East correspondent, has seen it all before and he told Saleem: 'The BBC is now culturally and socially stuck in the Zionist frame. Whether this is fear of the Zionist lobby and its many friends in the three British political parties, sheer inbuilt prejudice, ignorance of the facts, history and nuances that every reporter, producer and editor should by now know, I am not sure. I suspect a combination of all three.' James Harding, the incoming head of BBC News has already shown himself to be comfortable with this pro-Israel frame. As a former colleague said of Harding: 'He will fit in very well at the BBC.'   SUGGESTED ACTION The goal of Media Lens is to promote rationality, compassion and respect for others. If you do write to journalists, we strongly urge you to maintain a polite, non-aggressive and non-abusive tone.   A Thank You Note We would like to thank all our kind and generous supporters who responded to our recent appeal for funds. There were simply too many to thank individually. Media Lens, by its nature, will likely always lead a precarious existence. Your continuing support is not something we take for granted, and we are very grateful to all our donors. 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